


Gladioli

by neworld



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Character, Awkwardness, Break Up, Dorks in Love, F/M, First Dates, Friendship/Love, Misunderstandings, Pre-Canon, Rejection, asexual author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28453035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neworld/pseuds/neworld
Summary: My take on Georgie and Jon's relationship and breakup.  I wanted to explore the idea that Georgie wasn't understanding and accepting of Jon's asexuality right away, and that maybe she had a larger role in the breakup than Jon did. Sometimes it takes people a while to get their head around things, even if they are kind and understanding people at heart.
Relationships: Georgie Barker & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 11
Kudos: 52





	Gladioli

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is heavily inspired by the only good relationship I ever had. It eventually broke down because I couldn't meet their sexual needs and they couldn't understand why and felt rejected. They are not a bad person though, they just didn't understand, at the time even I didn't understand. We reconciled and are close friends now, they are married and have a baby and I love them and their partner and child so much.

They met because of a shared class at university. It was funny how in that period of life you just got thrown together with people. The choice to sit in a particular spot could mean you where tied to a person for the next three to six months whether you liked them or not.

At first Georgie thought Jonathan Sims was attractive but snobby and aloof. She thought he looked interesting, probably a little eccentric and artfully messy. She liked how androgynously he came across, slender and angular with long hair and big dark eyes. His face was intense with sharp angles and high cheekbones that gave his voice a sonorous richness. But his accent was clearly faked, and his manor was stuffy and arrogant and immediately put her off. He was prickly and easily irritated. He snapped at people for chatting or texting in class. 

But she had sat beside him and now they were stuck working together on a project for the next three months. At least he was a hard worker, a really hard worker actually. He was diligent and smart, she'd give him that at least. And he didn't try to hit on her, which was nice, or say anything sexist or homophobic which you'd think that would be a given but it really wasn't.

She began to notice that although he might be prickly and opiniated he was also oddly sweet and kind sometimes. He insisted she take his umbrella one afternoon when it was raining and she forgot hers. Another student in their group confided in Jon and Georgie they were struggling due to a learning disability that made them worry they weren't smart enough. Jon was very kind and supportive in insisting this wasn't something they should be ashamed of and didn't mean they couldn't get through the work. He helped them get special consideration and took time to help them study. Jon cared about things, he tried to do the right thing for others whenever he could. He always gave Georgie compliments on who she was rather than what she looked like. It made her heart flutter.

The more time she spent with Jon the more Georgie liked him. She found she enjoyed his company. they started hanging out outside of class. Getting coffee, seeing movies. He was funny, she discovered, in his own way. He would ramble on about odd things for hours if you let him or be happy to be totally silent all evening when she admitted she was having a hard time and needed quiet. 

She learnt that he was an only child and that his parents had died when he was young, leaving him to be raised by his grandmother. She had been an immigrant and the fear of not being accepted in her community had made her very particular about grammar and pronunciation, she insisted on Jon following this example. He hadn't grown up rich, and he didn't speak the way he did because he thought he was better than anyone. She felt bad, she had judged him for the way he spoke when she hated being judged for her scouse accent. 

They had a lot of common interests, they were both fascinated by ghost stories and the supernatural. Though they had somewhat opposite views on the topic. Jon felt it was all a hoax until proven otherwise, whereas Georgie tended to believe everything until it was proven untrue.

Most of Georgie's friends were not taken with Jon when they began dating. They didn't see what she saw in him and felt she was out of his league. But Georgie didn't see people that way. She insisted he was just a person you had to get to know first to appreciate. 

Georgie had struggled with dating after her horrible experience in the medical science building. She had needed to take a year off to be well enough to return to her studies. She felt better, she was well enough for her studies but relationships were harder. Her body, her emotions still didn't respond they way she wanted them to sometimes. Intimacy was difficult for they first time in her life. Sex was simply not going to happen until she felt more in control of her body and mind.

It was so shocking and disappointing how often this made people lose interest. 

But Jon was so understanding about it. She didn't tell him exactly what happened. But one night when they had gone back to her place after getting caught in the rain, they had stripped of their wet clothes and huddled under the blankets for warmth. It was nice, feeling Jon's body against hers. His hand rubbing warmth back into her arm. 

But then suddenly it wasn't.

Suddenly that horrible blank feeling of utter detachment descended over her body like a shroud. She shuddered and moved away from him.

"Are you alright?" He asked, he was worried he had done something wrong, she could tell from his tone.

"It's not you." She told him softly.

"Something happened to me, a year ago...and I'm still dealing with it. Sometimes touch is just..." She tired to think of how to explain that it reminded her she was just a collection of cells, just matter, animated only by electrical impulses and chemical signals she didn't really comprehend. The the difference between herself and a corpse was so slight she may as well be a corpse right now.

"Overwhelming?" He guessed. He had withdrawn his hand and moved away to give her space.

"I understand." He told her. "We don't ever have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

He asked her if she wanted him to leave. But he wasn't upset or offended. Just offering.

"No, stay, just...can we just maybe watch some telly or something for a bit, and not touch, or talk?"

"Absolutely." He told her. 

This was when she really fell for him. The idea that someone could respect her needs so completely, without question, without demanding all the details or taking them as a personal attack. It was so novel, it made her feel safe and valued. 

They moved in together after dating for about a year. They got on so easily in domestic settings that it made sense. That and with combing their income they could get out of living in shared accommodation. Georgie had a series of terrible housemates so she was keen to live alone with just Jon. And Jon's share house was terrible with such poor heating and rising damp that he was constantly getting sick. 

The apartment they got together was small but warm and clean and just theirs. It had two bedrooms and a home office. They could barely afford it but it was so perfect. They adopted a cat together. They were so happy. Their days had a simple rhythm. Jon was a great cook but terribly messy. Georgie was tidy but burnt everything she tried to make. Jon liked to stay home and read and hang out with the cat. Georgie liked to go out with her friends from the theatre but hated to leave their pet alone after he had been alone all day while they were at work. It felt like they both filled the holes left by each other. That they were complete together.

But then things began to fray and unravel. 

Small things at first. It bothered Georgie that Jon didn't introduce her to his grandmother. He was oddly cagy about it, wouldn't give her a concrete reason why. He insisted it wasn't that he was ashamed of her in anyway, or that he thought the woman would dislike her. It would just be awkward, and she was old and set in her ways and her health was declining and it was such a long trip. They weren't really good reasons for not to meet his only family. Jon had met her family. They didn't like him, but still, he met them.

Then there was their sex life, or rather lack of it. 

Georgie was recovering, her body was coming alive again. She was no longer shrinking away from touch, she was crying out for it. For more than just touch, for more than just hugs and gentle caress. But Jon didn't seem to get the hint. She was always the one to initiate sex, she had to be quite blunt about it or he wouldn't realize. And most of the time he didn't seem to enjoy it much. If she asked he insisted he did. It annoyed her because she could tell he wasn't being honest and she didn't understand why.

She began to worry he didn't find her attractive. They fought about it more and more. It put a bitter trace through their happy life. He made excuses a lot, he was tired, he had a headache, he had a hard day. It was frustrating. 

Eventually she cornered him about it.

"You're not attracted to me are you." She demanded one night.

"I think you are beautiful." He told her, earnest, miserable, because he knew that's not what she was asking.

"Then why don't you want to have sex with me?" She pressed.

He didn't say anything.

"Please just be honest." She begged.

"Whatever it is we can deal with it."

"I don't know." He told her, and she believed him, he was terrible at lying, he knew this he rarely even tried it. He usually avoided things rather than lying about hem.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." he admitted, his voice small and broken in the dark of their bedroom.

"It's ok." She told him, running a hand through his hair to comfort him, feeling a little guilty, and embarrassed that she had pushed him about this.

"We'll work it out." She assured him.

But then she had to nag and berate him to see doctor. It was infuriating and mortifying for her, both that she had to admit so firmly and openly that she had sexual needs he wasn't meeting just to get him to do something about it, and that she had to deal with the guilt his sad, reproachful looks brought her.

She really wasn't asking for a lot. It wasn't like she had a vivacious apatite or anything. She complained to her friends about it, confiding in them. They all assured her she wasn't being ridiculous, she was allowed to have urges, it was only natural. Everyone did. Maybe they just weren't compatible sexually? Maybe he was gay and just so deep in denial even he didn't know.

But Georgie didn't think this rang true. Jon was pretty openly comfortable with different sexualities, he knew she was bi and openly admitted he thought he might be too. If he was gay she felt like he would just _be gay_. 

The doctors found nothing, he was perfectly healthy, his hormones were normal, he was fit and well nourished and there was no physical, medical reason to explain it. 

"It could be a mental health reason." Georgie suggested.

"Georgie..." Jon sighed tiredly.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." She told him.

"I know, I just...I don't think that's what it is..." He began.

"Then what?" Georgie asked.

"I-I don't know. I think I'm just like this." He told her.

She thought about what her friends had said, all insisting that it was only natural to have sex drive, and sex seemed to be such a big part of thier relationships. Besides, her own problems had been mental heath related. It made sense. What else could it be?

"Jon please, it's hard for me to have to admit this but your lack of interest makes me feel unwanted, frustrated. I feel like I'm the only one trying to fix it. It makes me feel kind of...I don't know...dirty, slutty, that I always have to push you." She told him sadly.

"I'm sorry." He told her. "I don't want to make you feel like that."

So he saw a therapist.

He was very quiet when he came back. He didn't meet her eye and just sat on the couch with The Admiral, stroking his fur and staring out the window.

"You don't have to tell me but, well, if you want to talk about it I'm here." She told him later that evening.

"They said they think I could have ADHD." He told her.

Georgie blinked, this wasn't what she expected.

"Oh...well OK, that's good, that's good to know, we can look into things that will help you cope." She told him.

"Yes, they suggested some things that I think will really help." He said, warning up to the topic.

She let him ramble on about ADHD for a few hours, being polite and attentive. But over the next few days it was eventually clear he had no intention of bringing up sex drive and she grit her teeth in frustration, had he even asked the therapist about it?

In the end she had to outright ask him if the therapist had mentioned anything about it.

He admitted they had talked about it.

"And?" She prompted.

Jon sighed.

"Depression can cause a loss of sex drive." He told her, he sounded oddly cautious. 

She nodded, this wasn't news to her.

"Are you depressed." She asked, sympathetic.

"I don't think so." He whispered, like he was telling he something shameful.

"The therapist didn't think so either." 

Georgie felt sad and uncertain, she didn't know what else to do, if there was nothing wrong with him it must be her.

She began to try and change things about herself. She dressed differently, she changed her hair and makeup style. She got contact lenses. She went to the gym. nothing made any difference.

Things came to a head one night when she had been failing and trying to get through to Jon. Suddenly she felt anger replace her embarrassment. She threw off the covers and got up, snapping on the light and glaring at Jon hotly.

Jon blinked at her in surprise like a startled nocturnal animal.

"How can you expect me to go on like this? How can you expect me to stay faithful?" She demanded.

"I never asked you to." Jon snapped at her.

"You want me to leave? Is that what you're saying?" She snapped back.

"No I just don't want you to be unhappy."

"Then why aren't you trying?" She asked.

"This is just what I'm like, this is what I've always been like, probably what I will always be like. It's like that part of me just...never happened, I wouldn't even know how to try to be different." He told her.

She felt hot shame, it felt horrible, so much worse than anger.

"Why can't you just accept me like this?" Jon asked, upset.

"I accepted you."

With this Georgie found a way for the anger to come back, it felt so much better to be angry. 

"You knew then didn't you." She accused.

"I bet you were so relieved that I didn't want sex back then, I bet you thought you'd hit the jackpot, found the perfect girl." She told him.

"I thought I'd found some one who could accept me." He snapped at her.

"How could I accept you when you weren't even honest with me, I didn't even know." She scowled.

Jon got up and began dressing with stiff angry movements.

"Well if I'm so horrible to be around, if I'm soooo hard for you to put up with maybe I should just leave?" He said nastily.

"Oh so you're just giving up?" She hissed. "Just like that? You don't even want to try."

Jon was throwing all his clothes haphazardly into a suitcase.

"Try to do what?" He snapped back. "Be a different person?"

They argued for the rest of the night while Jon frantically packed all his things. They both said things they regretted, horrible personal things. 

The last thing Jon said to Georgie before he left was that he had thought she was better than this.

Later he send a text saying that would keep paying rent until she found another housemate. Then he was gone from her life. Utterly disappeared.

At first the anger kept Georgie going. All her friends took her side, agreed she was in the right, didn't understand what she had ever seen in him anyway, she had been way out of his league. 

But a voice in her head kept nagging her.

"What if it had been the other way around, what if you had never regained your sex drive and he had been the one to grow resentful over it?"

She shut it down, it wasn't that she had been resentful, _he_ had been dishonest, _he_ hadn't even tried.

"Try to do what? Be a different person?" Jon's voice in head asked.

She felt the shame creep back and tried to turn it back to anger but couldn't.

Months went by. Jon didn't return her calls or messages. She didn't know where he lived now. She felt hurt, even if she had been wrong, he didn't need to just shut her out forever. They had been close, they had a cat together.

Georgie moved on, dated other people. The more people she dated the more she began to suspect that everyone exaggerated how good their sex lives were. That she had been too hard on Jon. Maybe she could have tried other things, other ways to meet her needs. Maybe she shouldn't have pushed him so hard.

"I thought you were better than this." 

She had thought she was better. She felt ashamed.

Then she was dating a girl who was really into Morrissey and lent Georgie his biography to read. It was the first time she heard the term asexual.

"I think my ex boyfriend was asexual." She said numbly after she had been staring at the wall for some time and replaying the things she'd said to Jon over in her head for so long her girlfriend asked if she was alright.

"Oh?" The girl asked.

"Yeah, I wasn't....I wasn't great about it." She admitted.

"Nobody's perfect." The girl told her, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her.

She wished she knew how to contact Jon, to talk to him again. To tell him she was sorry and that she still cared about him and she wished she still had him in her life as a friend. But she didn't have a chance for several years. Not until he showed up unexpectedly on her doorstep looking like he'd seen a ghost and asking for a place to stay.

"Of course Jon." She told him ushering him in.

"You are always welcome here."


End file.
